I'm a little sad!

I went to the grocery store this evening, to pick up some trash bags and a couple of things I needed for the house.
As I turned the corner at the back of the store, I spotted my granddaughter, dancing and twirling to the music she was making. Her dark hair flying around her sweet face. I watched her for just a moment and then turned away. I couldn't let her see me. I didn't know if it would cause a scene, so I moved on.
The last time I saw her she clung to me, hugging me and showing me every toy, Santa had brought her.
How could I explain to her that I am no longer welcome in her life? She would not understand, she only knows Grandma as someone who will play with her and listen to her chatter endlessly.
How do you explain to a four year old, why they can't see you anymore?
I am sure that her Daddy saw me there. I am also sure that he will deny it.
Maybe, he thought there would be a scene. I don't know!
It is just really a sad thing to have to pretend that I don't see.

I am not bitter, perhaps hurt, but not bitter.
I still pray for my oldest daughter and her family. Not only because that is what Christ instructed us to do. But because, that is what I truly want for them. I want them to be happy. I want them to prosper. I want them to have a beautiful life.

I have a lot of support and love from family and friends who, like me, do not understand this tradgedy. I certainly do not understand it and perhaps I never will.
In any case, when I arrived back home, I kissed Christian. I truly believe that God sent him to fill my empty arms and heal my broken heart. I melt when he smiles at me.